According To Maureen Dowd, Ted Cruz And The Tea Party Are Bringing About Thunderdome (Video)

Credit this find to a friend’s Facebook feed. Maybe the shear shock of what has been written is delaying a response from other blogs. But fear not, I am up to the task. Maureen Dowd has an apocalyptic article about the future of America if Ted Cruz and the evil Tea Party are allowed to prevail over today’s issues. The title just warms you up to what you are about to read: Welcome to Ted Cruz’s Thunderdome. There is so much to choose from but I will hit some highlights. It starts out describing the Tea Party world in 2084.

A PLACE ONCE CALLED WASHINGTON AN ape sits where Abe sat. The year is 2084, in the capital of the land formerly called North America. The peeling columns of the Lincoln Memorial, and Abe’s majestic head, elegant hands and big feet are partially submerged in sludge. Animals that escaped from the National Zoo after zookeepers were furloughed seven decades ago migrated to the memorials, hunting for food left by tourists.

The reason for this hellish reality in the future? Yep, the Tea Party led by Ted Cruz.

The white marble monuments are now covered in ash, Greek tragedy ruins overrun with weeds. Tea Party zombies, thrilled with the dark destruction they have wreaked on the planet, continue to maraud around the Hill, eager to chomp on humanity some more.

It goes on to blame global warming on the Tea Party as well.

The BlackBerrys that were pried from the hands of White House employees in 2013 are now piled up on the Potomac as a flood barrier against the ever-rising tide from melting ice caps. Their owners, unable to check their messages, went insane long ago.

A little boy is then told about how this all happened. Hold on to your seats.

“Whose fault was it, Papa?” the boy presses.

The man tries to explain: “The Grand Old Party, the proud haven of patriots who believed in a strong national security and fiscal responsibility, was infected with a mutant form of ideology. It was named the Sarahcuda Strain after the earliest carrier. Remember when you saw that old science fiction movie, ‘I Am Legend’? A scientist described the virus that burned through civilization as being like ‘a very fast car driven by a very bad man.’ That’s what happened: In the infected Tea Party politicians, brain function decreased and social de-evolution occurred. They began ignoring their basic survival instincts.

But only if we had listened to a Republican elder like John McCain.

The boy is confused. “They killed America because they didn’t care about keeping Americans alive?” he asks.

The man sits down. His voice grows faint. “Well, they didn’t seem to understand themselves or what they were doing,” he continues. “In the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, many of the feverish pols believed they were waging the right and moral fight even as G.O.P. party elders like Jeb Bush, John McCain, Karl Rove and James Baker warned them that they were dragging the country toward catastrophe. The Tea Party leaders liked to refer to themselves as the Children of Reagan. But as Baker told Peggy Noonan, Reagan always said, ‘I’d rather get 80 percent of what I want than go over the cliff with my flag flying.’ ”

But how can you fight an infection like the Tea Party?

The boy frowns. “But Papa, didn’t the healthy Republicans realize the infected ones had lower brain functions?”

“Well, son, they knew there was something creepy about the ringleader, Ted Cruz,” the man replies. “His face looked pinched, like a puzzle that had not been put together quite right. He was always launching into orations with a weird cadence and self-consciously throwing folksy phrases into his speeches, like ‘Let me tell ya,’ to make himself seem Texan, when he was really a Canadian.”

The boy looks alarmed. “A Canadian destroyed the world, Papa?”

“Once the government shut down, a plague came, because they had closed the Center for Disease Control,” the man says. “Storms, floods and wildfires raged after FEMA was closed down and the National Guard got decimated.

The worst part is yet to come, President Obama was trapped and so frustrated that he stopped governing and the Middle East went up in flames, wait, that is not already happening as Obama actively pursues policies there? I digress, back to how the Tea Party destroyed Obama’s greatness.

“After the final American president, Barack Obama, canceled his trip to Asia, that part of the world decided we were weak. China moved quickly to fill the vacuum. Obama grew so disgusted, he spent his final years in office isolated in the White House residence. When he stopped returning the calls of Hassan Rouhani and Bibi Netanyahu, it was only a matter of time before the Middle East went up in flames.

“What is left of the world is being run by Julian Assange from what is left of the Ecuadorean Embassy in London and by some right-wing nut in a cabin in Idaho.”

The boy begins to cry. “Papa, stop. You’re making me sad. Are all the good guys gone?”

Looking through the gray skies toward the ashen Lincoln Memorial, where an ape sits in Abe’s chair, the man replies sadly, “Yes, son.”

Poor Obama was the last and greatest President America had but was doomed by the Tea Party zombies. What are to make about all this vile rhetoric coming from the Democrats? Dowd takes it to another level by comparing those who oppose Obama’s agenda to Zombies. Because you all know what you have to do zombies who cannot be saved? (Content Warning)

New tone.

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